DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I’ve a daughter, “Liz,” who’s our time. She’s 28 and a nanny. Her boyfriend, “Owen,” impaired to be a large hashish consumer. My spouse suspects he nonetheless makes use of it when he will get “stressed.” He’s additionally a gambler.
We’ve got attempted to offer Owen a anticipation. He had incorrect playground to stick, so he remains in our walk-in in-law rental. My spouse thinks he’s disrespectful, however I feel she overreacts as a result of she doesn’t like him.
Owen has been going out with my daughter for 4 years now, and he says he’s getting her a hoop, however not anything transpires. Liz turns out to like him, however my spouse and I believe he’s no longer a sensible choice and is headed for bother ill the street.
I’m at my wit’s finish and my spouse is repeatedly stressed out. I do know you’re going to say our daughter is 28 and an grownup, and so forth., however this condition is other. What else are you able to deal? — STRUNG ALONG IN NEW YORK
DEAR STRUNG ALONG: Have a “man-to-man” communicate with Owen to invite at once what his plans are relating to his dating along with your daughter. He has lived with you (rent-free, I presume) for 4 years, and the hoop he promised hasn’t materialized.
The dwelling condition you’ve tolerated for see you later hasn’t helped him progress ahead. (May just he have playing money owed?) Age Liz would possibly not such as you doing it, give an explanation for to Owen that it’s hour to discover a playground of his personal. I’m hoping, as I think you’re, that this may occasionally impress him to motion — whether or not it’s to step as much as the plate or head out the door.
DEAR ABBY: How do I ask my population to block being worried about me? I used to be widowed 3 years in the past next a 28-year dating. My sisters and father panic if I don’t reply to their texts inside of 12 hours, at all times telling me they’re “just worried.”
We are living in several hour zones, and I effort to admire them through no longer responding next 9 or 10 p.m. They react with superb concern after they don’t listen from me. I’m a succesful, self-aware grownup, and I would love this to block with out hurting their emotions. I’ve instructed them this they usually proceed!
For instance, I traveled one weekend and returned house next 10 p.m. my hour, nighttime their hour, they usually spoke back 12 hours next “HELLO??” once I didn’t reply to a textual content about whether or not I used to be house. This used to be wind journey, no longer through automobile. When my father discovered I were out of the city, he used to be harm that he used to be no longer conscious.
I recognize their worry however don’t really feel I want to reassure them of my well-being. On the similar hour, I don’t wish to push them away. Please advise. — DOING WELL IN NEVADA
DEAR DOING WELL: Obviously, you’ve been a lot too thoughtful. Right here’s what you do: Without reference to the moment, solution their texts. Let them get up at the hours of darkness or 1 a.m. to the “good news” that you’ve got arrived house safely, and in all probability they’ll chill out and block being worried such a lot.
Expensive Abby is written through Abigail Van Buren, sometimes called Jeanne Phillips, and used to be based through her mom, Pauline Phillips. Touch Expensive Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
